You have been sold a big ole bucket of lies:
Just fake it until you make it and you will make it.
If there was an olympic sport for faking it until you make it, I would have a gold medal.
I would be as famous as Bruce Jenner and his psychotically narcissistic family.
As a child, I was taught to always place a smile on my face; to never let anyone see you sad.
My mother swore that if you acted happy on the outside the happiness would happen on the inside.
Most people who meet me are drawn to me because I have a smile on my face. Even when I feel like I am miserable, I can fake it like an superstar.
Unfortunately, most of the time I was dying inside because the inside of me was yelling: You are a such a loser, a faker a phony.
No matter how I appeared on the outside; the inside was being eaten alive. I was just a scary, smiley Stepford Wife.
Until, I couldn’t take it anymore and then I just hibernated only leaving home when absolutely necessary.
As I began to recover from my food addiction, I kept hearing the same thing:
FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
ACT AS IF.
I truly believed that something was wrong with me, because faking it never worked.
Then I realized the missing piece:
FAKING UNTIL YOU MAKE IT ONLY WORKS WHEN YOU ARE DOING THE INNER WORK TO MAKE THE OUTER FACADE REAL.
Transformation is an inside out job. Most people avoid this inner work because it feels weak, weird and is freaking scary!
Facing the monsters within is terrifying.
That is why diets don’t work. Faking a new way of eating may work in the short term but it never lasts UNTIL you face the scary monsters.
Yet, the diet industry makes billions of dollars because it is banking on you to fake it until you make it.
Going within will save you a bunch of money and you can experience instant transformation and massive weight release.
Going within means that you are no longer tied to the scale, a size of clothing or waist circumference.
Yet, going within is scary, it is not easy and it will take courage.
AND IT IS SO WORTH IT!
Now, I am not saying to not fake it until you make it. I am NOT saying that you should walk around with a frown on your face and vomit negative energy.
In order to work out your insides; you will need a few ingredients:
1. Surrender: not giving up but surrender which means to be in partnership with God.
2. Faith: Expecting that the faking it you are so proficient at is moving you to that reason why you are faking it in the first place.
3. Eye of the Tiger: Focus on what you want and nothing more. Being 100% committed to doing EVERYTHING in your POWER to make this vision real.
EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ALL POWERFUL AND THAT TAKES US BACK TO SURRENDER.
To Get Started:
- When surrendering: be clear on your part and on God’s part. God’s part are all those items that you don’t control. Yea, you don’t control everything; sorry.
- To Strengthen your faith: Be quiet, go within and feel what it is like to have your vision a reality. Then expect it. Repeat this mantra: ____________(insert your desire) is already here and today I choose to make work towards making it real. Once you get this into your neurons, you will no longer be faking it because you will be one happy lady or man.
- When looking into the eye of the tiger: Refuse to allow negative thoughts to rule you. Notice I didn’t say to refuse the negative thoughts. Those thoughts need to be addressed and they are happening to keep you safe. Loving rebut those thoughts with words of soothing security. For me, those thoughts are my 8 year old who is afraid of change. Instead of tellingh her she is stupid or ignoring her (which is how I was responded to as a child) I put her on my knee and soothe her. Yea, weird but it works a hell of a lot better than being a phony baloney.
In closing: FAKING IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT DOESN’T WORK UNLESS YOU ARE DOING THE INNER WORK.
Of course, I am only writing about my experience but I would love to know yours. Have you faked it until you made and made it?
I have received at least 20 emails today from auto-generated newsletters saying Thank you, Happy Thanksgiving, Gratitude is the way to the promised land….
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah…..
I am a big proponent on gratitude. Just like Oprah I write my 5 grateful list each night and then I work at FEELING the gratitude.
I write such things as my life, my family, my new bed.
Who really cares?
What about being grateful for the crap that happens too?
Because it really isn’t crap; it is just how you perceive it.
The way I see it; if you don’t see the golden nugget in the poop; the poop will just multiply.
Some people die in that poop. They go through the same crap without being grateful for it.
So, in honor of Thanksgiving: I Will Give you my Top 10 List of Gratitude for the Crap and Please share yours in the comment section but before I start; you will notice a negative hue coming off the words and that is perfect because it is crap.
Crap doesn’t smell good. The the best way to get rid of the crap is to clean it up and learn from it.
Names omitted because I am a nice person.
- I am grateful for the 2 coaches who took $10,000 from me and did not deliver what they had promised. This taught me to be VERY PICKY when picking support and that I am worth standing up and saying you are not delivering what you promised; time for a refund. Gosh there is so much to learn here and I think the biggest thing has to do with power. Testimonials hold no power for me; I could care less. Same with references. The true coach for me is someone who holds the space for me to let out my true essence. It is not about their signature system; it is about the environment they provide. Thank you Coaches for taking my money and allowing me to forge a whole new terrain that will change the way I am coached.
- I am grateful for the people in my childhood who ridiculed me, told me that I had too big of a butt, that my eyes were too big, to shut up because I talked too loud. It may have taken most of my life but I am falling in love with all those things that you didn’t like about me. Plus, I know that you said those things because you were hurting too.
- I am grateful for being a food addict. Yes, I love being a food addict because it de-baffles why I had to each a box of cereal everyday. It is a disease, not my fault, my responsibility. Yet, within that powerlessness I have never felt so powerful.
- I am grateful for my son being diagnosed with Autism at 3 years old. Luckily, he responded well to therapy and really has some complex learning disabilities. Yet, through this diagnosis; I became an expert surrender dancer. I was able to totally accept him while making sure he had every opportunity available.
- I am grateful for my daughters teenage years. Oh those were tough! At almost 24 she is just freaking amazing! I am in awe of her. She is her own person. She is taller, thinner, prettier and smarter than me (that is parent’s dream) but that she is not me. This journey is hers and I don’t own her. If she didn’t give me such crap for trying to control her; she wouldn’t be the woman she is today.
- I am grateful for growing up poor. As a child I know that money can be gone in a second. It was my experience. I have lived through eating peanut butter sandwiches until the next paycheck came in. I have lived with only have 1 pair of pants to wear. It isn’t fun, in fact it sucks. Yet, growing up that way gives me extra compassion for others. Nothing makes me happier than giving to others anonymously. I can do it and I don’t care about the thank yous.
- I am grateful for saying goodbye to a whole bunch of friends. Sometimes, I feel very alone. Over the last few years, many friendships have ended. Some just had run their course while I allowed other friends to take advantage of me. Right now, I have very few but man are they awesome! What I have learned is that I used to view friends as possessions; the more I had the better I looked. As a result, I was not a very good friend. I am sorry about that and I am grateful that I learned it so I can be a great friend to those I do have in my inner circle.
- I am grateful for the crap surrounding marriage. Ok; if you don’t think that crap surrounds marriage then buy me a ticket to your planet. Marriage is hard work. Together, we have been through 5 parent deaths, my brother’s death, multiple family divorces, financial pressures and job security. At the beginning; I never said what I needed because I didn’t think I deserved to then I would get mad when he didn’t read my mind! After almost 25 years, we are starting to figure it out and then one of us changes and we have to figure it out again. The crap is what gives us color; it shows that we are very imperfect and it models to our children that marriage takes a lot of hard work.
- I am grateful for putting my foot in my mouth on a regular basis. Oh boy; I go through spurts where the filter is turned off. I have written how that has caused me great pain because I would rip myself apart for what I said. I still do that but all that ripping apart have golden nuggets of wisdom. So when I am grateful for my faux pas I can learn why and how to not faux pas again!
- I am grateful for failing in business. This one gives me the most gratitude! Yes, it is a failure so lets not sugar coat it. If I had never ventured out into this entrepreneurial adventure I would have missed out on discovering my love for writing, for speaking, for being in front of the video camera and for creating workshops. In addition, I would never have been able to process all the crap that came brewing into the subconscious such as money drama, fear of asking for the sale and finding my own voice. If or when I venture back out into creating my own company; I know that I will never close a person, use someone else’s voice in my writings or just vomit the same crap as the coach next store. I am finding my own voice that is transparent, authentic and unique. Thank you big ole business failure.
Whew: That was a lot of crap; I better go buy more toilet paper!
Now your turn! What crap are your grateful for?
Last week I wrote about God Winking and I get real about how I believe a suck. You can read it here.
I hate when coaches write the feedback was amazing but I am going to say it anyway:
THE FEEDBACK WAS AMAZING!
I was commended for my courage.
The funny thing is that my website gets such little traffic I was sure no one would see it.
It is easy to be courageous when no one is looking!
I did share it with a few friends and from there it was shared a little more.
I wouldn’t say it went viral; yet it did get a bit of traction because people love for others to be vulnerable.
It makes them human and real.
In that blog post I share how I felt like a total failure in business and how I came out on the other end with the birth of a purpose.
I am not ready to share it and I am not ready to jump in head first and go for it because this purpose means too much to me.
Jumping in and just taking action will taint this process because I still have work to do on myself before I am ready to share it.
I know this: It takes courage to say I am not ready yet.
I know this: I have a bunch of anger, resentment and judgment to release and that will take time.
I refuse to take those emotions into the next chapter.
It is one thing to say I failed and I sucked.
It is another to admit that I have not acted very kindly because this may change your vision of me from being a courageous woman who showed her vulnerability to being a raging bitch.
Once I decided to close my business, I released 10 pounds pretty quickly then the weight release stopped.
Of course, my first defense was to go over what I was eating, how I was exercising and maybe I need to be “better.”
Luckily,feeling myself saying be better made my skin crawl so I ran to my journal.
I wrote: What is this extra weight trying to tell me?
The answer came swiftly and quickly: You are being a bitch.
I still have all these judgments about:
- Not deserving the good I do have.
- Never ever being able to buy my worth.
- Hating the ones who have hurt me.
- Putting my foot in my mouth.
To combat these judgments: I will gossip, avoid, be a road raging driving bitch and picking apart someone who was mean to me to their bare core.
Oh don’t you worry, dear friend: I judge myself 10 times more harshly than I judge others.
Every time I walk away from a conversation, I pick apart what I have said and ask myself: why can’t you just shut up?
It is exhausting, exasperating and usually would send me head first into the cereal box.
I have not binged in over 63 days and for today I will not.
Yet, I need a way to finally process all these feelings and thoughts and then forgive.
Especially to forgive myself.
When I can make strides towards that while finding a way to process this need to gossip and stopping the cruelty in my head the weight will leave.
Deprivation and overtraining may be easier!
I have demons.
The difference is that I know it and I am committed to using them to rise higher as a human.
In a 12 step program they are called character defects.
I call them my defense weapons for survival. At one time; they did their job.
After 49 years; I am ready to take off my holster and hang up my sword.
I don’t need them anymore.
I love hearing about you and your thoughts. Really I do! If you are feeling courageous can you share how you keep yourself safe in this world? If you are not ready; I honor that. Please leave me a thought; lets get a conversation going about the deep dark sided things we do to keep the boogy man at bay.