Wow; that is a tough one for us women to wrap our heads around but it is so true and when you can finally free yourself from the grip of other people’s judgments you will feel 10 pound lighter.
You may even release 10 pounds.
For Real! Stay with me hear for a minute……
When we allow others opinions to rule our reality we become stressed. We worry and we want to change it. We start to believe that maybe we are not good enough.
Then the cortisol kicks in and the cravings start along with the sleepless nights and the depression because boy, we are angry; but not sure how to handle it.
Well, you can always go on a twitter rant; but, sista; that will only make things worse.
For me; the judgments are most profound when it comes to parenting my children. I have thousands of examples; but the judge and jury were out when it came to parenting a young one with special needs.
When we decided the best option for our son was to send him to boarding school; it nearly killed me.
Yes, sending a boy at 15 away from home is bad enough but then the judge and all her jury were out in full force!
I would hear such things as:
“I don’t know how you allow someone else to have control over your son.”
The response I wanted to say: “Your swanky private school didn’t want to be tainted with having a child with special needs even though we were going to pay someone to help him.”
” It must be nice to have a break from all the running around and therapy appointments”
The response I wanted to say: “Yes it is.” This one particularly hurt because she was right; I did need a break. You may be judging me and that is ok; judge away!
” Wow; that must be expensive.”
The response I wanted to say: “Yes it is and thanks for caring about my finances so much.”
“So, what do you do all day?
The response I wanted to say: ”I lay in bed eating all day and watching tv and you?”
I wanted to say these things; but I couldn’t because I agreed with them; it was expensive, I did feel like a failure and I did eat all day and gained 20 pounds in 4 months.
A friend who was in a similar situation shared this:
“It takes more courage to know that someone else can help my child better than I could.”
Now, that son that I left on a park bench 4 years ago is going to college with a 2 scholarships.
And.. I kicked cortisol a** and released 50 pounds.
If I would have allowed everyone else to define my reality; who knows where he would be and I know that I would be in a very dark place if I was even here at all.
A great side benefit is that those same opinionators are congratulating us on our courage.
Is it sweet revenge? Not really.
This is what I know: when I am judging another it is because I am scared of being in that same situation, I am comparing myself to that person and am not measuring up or that situation is just not the societal norm.
Sending your child to boarding school is not the norm; thus judging was expected.
NOTE: I know that these people were not comparing themselves to me.
Didn’t want you to think that I think I am all that! (There I go with caring what others think!)
Better chant my mantra then:
“What other people think of me is none of my business.”
In business, family and especially self-care you will be judged; accept it and bless the judgers and their jury while you keep climbing that ladder of excellence.
I am right next to you sista holding your hand and cheering you on!
In the comment sections let me know this: what have your been judged for and how did you handle it?