Maureen Wielansky Self care Expert

How To Take Care of Yourself When You Have Been Betrayed

You may not control the betrayal but you do control your response

I have been betrayed by a mentor; someone I trusted and someone I had invested a lot of money with.  I can’t deny that it hurts and I wonder; what did I do wrong?  Why am I not good enough?  Why don’t they like me?

Then I wanted  to hurt them as they had hurt me.

When I found out that other people were betrayed as well; my insecure self kicked in and I wanted to create a party to bitch about how we had been wronged and to be honest; I may have done a bit of that as well.  However, I did share my dissatisfaction. I received a polite “I hear what you are saying….”  Then silence!!!

Here I am watching her soar to success with fans who are also soaring to success and again I wondered; “What did I do wrong?”

So, I have a choice: I can take care of myself by tearing them down which would only lead to more hurt for me or I can do something different.  I have been hurt enough so when I hit that fork in the road; I made the choice to take the high road by:

1. Taking responsibility: because I do have a part in this situation.

2. Being grateful for the lessons that I learned.

3. Re-affirming my commitment

4. Indulging myself in some extra TLC.

5. Forgiving

Allow me to get specific:

1. Taking responsibility: I allowed the high dollar investment to freeze my actions; I began to break out, gain weight and cry uncontrollably.  I began to worry and fret about those things that I do not control and that made everything worse.  In addition; when I began to feel unsupported I kept it to myself instead of talking to her because I believed something was wrong with me.  Many people may think she is perfect, but she doesn’t read minds.

2. Being Grateful for my lessons:  Through this ordeal I am now able to create a relationship with my clients that is authentic, honest and committed.  If I had a client like myself; I would have done anything to see how I can help her.  Please note: I am not saying that I  would have allowed myself to believe I could fix the problem, but what I will do is provide my clients with a firm and loving kick in the a**.  She did neither.  Indifference is worse than being hated and she was just indifferent.   I also learned that I had a bunch of money sh*t that I had to heal.

3. Re-affirm my commitment: I had to take some time, shut up my worry wart and listen.  I asked my gut: “I have a great family and they are what really matter; why did I think that I had to have a career?”  My gut answered back: “You are not embarking on a career but a calling.  So quit thinking about the how and make a decision.”  I went deep for many months without clients and began to create a calling that included my brilliance and I let go of those things that no longer fed me.”  I went back to the gym; I created work boundaries and started paying attention to my money and I found another coach that has what I desire but holds me accountable and finds me when I am hiding.

4. Indulge Myself in some extra TLC:  I began taking naps that refreshed me.  I took off one day a month that was just for me.  I soaked in baths full of lavender and epsom salts and I started cooking delicious and healthy meals again. Most importantly, I began to say NO to every person who wanted to meet or wanted to barter or wanted me to buy something.

5. Forgiving: I bless her and wish her all the happiness possible and I forgive her.  Forgiving has nothing to do with letting her off the hook but it lets me off the hook.  I also forgive myself for  not doing my part to make this partnership successful.

In the comment section; please share about your experiences with betrayal.  Did you go out for revenge or sulk?  What did you learn and how could you take care of yourself when someone hurts you?


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